aly267

So its Saturday, Today iv eaten 3 slices of a large pepperoni pizza, I'm not hungry, but my mom thinks i'm going crazy, i tell her i'm fine, she just stares, why cant every one accept the fact i want to be skinny! Today this guy i like asked me out on the phone, i couldn't say yes, if i hate my body he could hate it worse i can't stand my life any more, and then he asked me why i said no later on when i hung up on him, after saying no, i told him i couldn't let him date some one as stupid and fat and ahh and i screamed and i fell, i fell. i couldn't take it any more i started crying, and couldn't take it any more, i hung up and curled up into a ball, surprisingly he dosnt hate me, why! Why cant every one hate me. It would make me wanna kill my self even more. Just hate on me,
I can only think of one quote right now
She can't take it anymore,
She's finally giving up for good this time.
and i think it fits perfectly for me
till next time,

XOXO
Aly


R

Everyone has a confession to something,
My confession(my main confession)
I hate myself. I hate every thing about me, i cant stand to look at my self, I hate the fact that every thing i do, i have people saying negative things about me, i hate the fact that i am dieing to be skinny, i hate the fact that i am putting my friends down, i hate the fact that my friends are suffering cause of me, i hate the fact that im alive, i hate the fact im all applied in school, i hate the fact that im not ever good enough for any one. Iv lost so many things in my life like... amber and aye,they were my best friends tilll i lost them, they moved away, My family is so long distance my parents have to go their every year now, honestly i wanna move and make every ones life here better i cant stand it, i hate everything, and anything about me, im fat, stupid, ugly,retarded, im a waste. im a no one, teachers dont remember my name, im a loner, i sit alone in most of my class's that i dont have my amazing friends in, and usually just get name called, teachers dont seem to notice, So My confession is hating everything and anything about my life, except some of the amazing people in it, Like Tracey<3 and Lora<3, they are amazing my best friends, they mean soo much to me im not even joking, if their upset, im upset, if their happy, im exctatic, and then theirs Kandace and Margret, well their amazing they make me laugh for nothing, their awseom, ily guys, u guys mean a lot to me, i dont know what i did to deserve u guys, but obviously i did something right in my life to get amazing friends like these, and then theirs Mandy. Mandy is so special to me, me and her have been through ups and downs, literly, we have been partners for rollercosters and bowling partners and projects, she helps me a lot in life, those are my best friends, and hopefully they forgive me for anything awful i have done, i am so sorry, please forgive me, if you dont i understand if you do, thank you, i mean it

XOXO
Aly<3

So at school iv been having some trouble with all the popular pretty preps calling me a skeleton when 3 days ago it kinda got kinda out of hand, They went to far and started picking at every little thing, bad thing is i was alone and none of my friends were their to get me out of that mess. I cant stand it, why do bullies have to waste their fucking time on people who just want to have a good high school year, But no, they ruined it for me, Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. They honestly have no use, picking on one girl(bad thing is they surronded me) if their were 3-4 of them i would have fought, im strong, but no, their were 10 of them and 2 guys. i couldn't take on that many, could i? But thats not the point, they started the bullying about a whole bunch of stuff. I got up to walk away, a guy got in my way, i was circled. I wasnt afraid of them, i just wasnt willing to get suspended cause of their crap. Seriouslly 2 words, GROW UP! Im not a skeleton and if i were i would be dead, getting off topic, then 2 of the girls left cause they realized i was getting Hyped up, and then their was the opening i left through the guy and the space, he was pissed to see me actually turn down the chance of a fight, huh, stupid much?, and then i started crying, wanted to leave, i wanted to go home, i couldnt stay at school, my school, is deadly when you fight with a popular prep. and they mean preps, like cheerleader preps. The only bad thing about that day is that the guy i had a crush on, was watching the whole thing, and i think he was happy with the way i dealed with things, My friends found me after 5-8 minutes in the girls washroom. My friend "Tracey" went to get a teacher, and the teacher "sorted things out". I guess thats what you could say, it hasnt happened since about maybe 3 days, they see me and they just walk by me, My teacher told me one thing that will always stick with me "When they piss you off, or when any one piss's you off just say, ill show them, ill show all of them," and walk away. I garuntee any one whos having bully problems and thinks of this when it happens, it will make you laugh, it makes me laugh just thinking about it, i wish i had that to say, If your having bullying problems, Tell someone, dont keep it in! They bothered me for about 5 years and i kept it in, i told them they bothered me for 2 years, i lied, i cant stand to see people get in trouble, it just hurts to know that im the reason some one elses future might be ruined, Thank God For My friends, with out them i would still be in the bathroom, or even worse, i wouldnt be here...

XOXO
Aly<3

Whats It like to be bigger, Ask me! i am bulimic, and i acknowledge that, I weight 103 pounds and i am 5'5ish. I am the 2 shortest one of my friends. I dont really brag about wanting to be skinny, i mean i understand that i want it but its not me who brings it up!  My friends would bring it up, and i would shiver, and they would know why, and when i talk about being bigger, they get mad because they weight more then me, But honestly if your taller then me, aren't u suppose to weight more then me? School has been really hard, Iv been stressing over a lot of things lately, like for one, exams. This summer im going to Bosnia<3.  But the bad thing is My school isn't semestred and i have 8 exams at the end of the year NOT 4!I'm really worried though, I have a feeling I'm going to have to do the course all over again, while my friends are in gr 10 stuff. Yes i am in grade 9. I'm 14 turning 15, i cant stand it though, My parents are putting to much pressure on me. I need them to ease off. Truthfully, i need some time to think. This can't be healthy I truly think before Bosnia 09 i will go crazy, my nerves are getting to me, i cant study lately my Drama teacher and i talked today and well truthfully this is what she had to say on my absence " Well Alyson, since you are leaving, i guess since u do know that ur leaving on this and that day, then i can reshcedule your exam"- BUT!!! she didnt mention the fact that i will be missing 1/3 of the exam! This Europe thing is putting to much pressure on me, I need things to keep my mind clear but theirs nothing. I am not eating healthy eaither, my friends think somethings wrong with me.But theirs not, i just hate eating, Last weekend i lost 5 pounds from not eating. I am proud of my self. But I can live with out all the Popular preps calling me a skeleton. They think i am really skinny, but what do they know. They know nothing! If this is what i want why cant they let me. My friends arent letting me do this they make sure that i eat at least once a day. About a month ago i used to eat once every 2 days. I just couldn't, And now, i don't know any more, For any one reading this, i hope you now know that your life is MUCH better then mine. Dont Judge me on who you think i am, Judge me for who you know i am, And i am who i am, I'm not changing for any one.

XOXO
Aly<3